Ever since I wrote my previous post "The Honest Truth - What Really Happens After Baby Arrives," I have felt a heaviness lifted from my shoulders. It must have been very therapeutic to write out all of my feelings, and through this, help others. I've gotten many comments of appreciation from other moms. Some are currently going through the early days of infancy and are thankful to hear they are not alone. Some have older children, or children who are all grown-up, who have thanked me for sharing. It just proves to me once more that us mothers should not be ashamed for thinking that child-rearing is hard work! We should not feel ashamed for feeling tired or angry or unconnected with our baby at first. None of us went into parenting thinking it would be a walk in the park. We knew it would be hard. We aren't that naive. But no one ever explained why it would be so hard.
Also, after writing the post, I've really been thinking hard about the first few months of Hannah's life. I've read my post over and over, reliving all of it. The more I read what I wrote, the more I felt like it may have sounded like I was complaining, (and maybe I was at some points during the post.) But I think the reason why I had such a difficult time in the beginning is because I was so completely unprepared. I was talking to John last night, and pretty much concluded that I will not do anything differently with our next baby. I think everything I did with Hannah was completely and 100% the right thing to do, but I was only doing them to survive. Next time, I will do them not only out of survival, but because I believe they are right. Looking back on it, if I would have had more empathy for Hannah, I may have been able to handle some of the difficult days a little better. She was a tiny little baby who was used to being in my warm, quiet, tummy for 9 months - of course she didn't want to sleep in the bassinet! And of course, she wanted to be held in the wrap to sleep - it's meant to mimic the womb. And of course, she wanted to nurse constantly - the sucking motion is very comforting, breast milk is yummy, and being close to me was her favorite place to be. Knowing all of these things now make it easier for me to understand why Hannah seemingly gave me such a hard time. She only wanted what was natural for her - to be close to her mommy. I know not everybody necessarily wants to parent this way, and that's fine. If your baby is anything like Hannah, at least you will now know why he is doing what he is doing. Because you'll have this knowledge, maybe you won't feel how felt ("Why are you doing this to me???")
I also wanted to make it clear that things don't automatically get better at a certain age. Everybody's experiences are different. For some, things may start to get easier around 4 or 5 months, for others it may be much longer. We still have many bumps in the road. Sleep is a constant battle, and new challenges begin to arise (sleep regressions, teething, nap transitions, etc.) There will always be a difficult part of parenting, no matter the age of our children, but as long as we have the support of others and know we aren't alone in our struggles, things will be infinitely easier!
In addition to being mentally prepared for things to be more difficult than you thought they would be, I thought it would be helpful to give you information and actual tools to get through some of the tough times. Here are some links of information that may be helpful for you:
Baby's Fourth Trimester: Helping Your Baby Make a Peaceful Transition from Womb to World
Baby Explains Normal Newborn Behavior
The Baby Sleep Site - 4 Month Sleep Regression
The Baby Sleep Site - 8/9/10 Month Sleep Regression
The Baby Sleep Site - Nap Tips
No comments:
Post a Comment